You'll Never Know
by angelsinstead
Summary: In this historical story, Victor's deceptions effect him as well as everyone he loves.
1. Saying Good-bye

**~*~Chapter One : Saying Goodbye~*~**

He stood over an empty wooden cradle he had fashioned with his own two hands. His heart ached as the woman he loved labored in the next room as she give birth to their child. He'd gone for the midwife many hours ago and still the little one hadn't made it into the world. Something was wrong, something serious; he could feel the dread creeping into his bones.

"Papa," he heard a little voice say.

"I'm right here, sweetheart," he said as he approached the crib and drew his little girl into his arms. He kissed her baby-soft cheek as he caressed her curly dark hair.

"Mama?" she whispered.

Daniela, too, could sense that something was amiss. Her little face showed her agitation as she clung to her daddy's shirt. She wasn't his daughter by blood, but he couldn't have loved her more. "It's okay, Dani," Victor soothed the toddler as he placed her back into her crib. "Mama will hold you soon." He covered her with the blanket and left the nursery, the smallest room in the log cabin where they had made their home. So much had happened since they had came to live upon the hill...

_Victor Dalby Lord II had been on the wagon train going west with his brother, Todd, his brother's wife, Tea, and his sister Victoria and her family. They never made it to Oregon. Victoria's husband Clint had suffered a heart attack. They stopped in a settlement called Llanview in hopes he would recover. Sadly, Clint had died four days later._

Victoria didn't want to take her children any further. Her boys, Kevin and Joseph had already lost one father. Her twins were just toddlers, and Vicki was tired of the covered wagon. She wanted to settle down, grieve for her husband, and raise her family. Tea, too, had refused to get back on the wagon. Nearly nine months pregnant, she was tired and ready to settle down.

Vicki purchased a boarding house in the heart of Llanview, and Todd and Victor pooled their funds to buy the cabin. No sooner had they moved into the little homestead on the hill when Tea went into labor. Daniela's arrival had been swift and joyous. She came into the world on a cool autumn day. Victor had been so ecstatic in that moment when he saw Daniela lying in Tea's arms.

Todd and Victor were twins, and they'd been competitive almost from the minute of their birth. Whatever one possessed, the other had always wanted. Tea was no exception. Victor had been secretly in love with her since the day Todd had introduced them. He adored Tea - would have done anything for her - but his brother didn't seem to appreciate her. In fact, Dani was only a few hours old when Todd announced he was going on a hunting trip.

Ever since they had settled in Llanview, Todd and Victor had taken up hunting, fishing, and trapping to feed their family. They had many traps set along the river, and Todd was going to check the traps and search for game in the area. "You're leaving now?" Victor asked with a dark frown. "How can you leave? Tea just had your baby."

"Ohhh Tea will be fine. She has you to look after her, right?" Todd pointed out, giving his brother a knowing look.

Victor had tried not to let his emotions show for his brother's wife, but Todd had always known. Victor was devoted to Tea in ways Todd could never be. Todd and Tea just weren't compatible, and they always disagreed. They had even disagreed on their daughter's name... and it had been Victor who had suggested Daniela. Daniela Victoria was what she had been named. Victor was secretly pleased, because he told himself she wasn't just being named after her aunt Vicki, but also him.

"Of course I will look after her," Victor growled. "Since you don't seem to care."

"Problem is, Victor, you care too much," Todd said as he got his musket ready and his provisions to go on his trip.

"I will be back in two weeks," Todd said as he headed out the door.

Months and months passed, and Todd never returned. He was presumed dead, killed by an animal or maybe the Indians. Tea was distraught when her husband never came home and she sent Victor out to look for him. "Bring my husband home," Tea said as she pressed a kiss to Victor's cheek.

"I promise, I will bring him home to you and Dani," Victor swore as he held Tea in his arms.

He lingered in her embrace, not wanting to let her go. He wanted her for himself. Little did he know he was soon to get his wish.

He questioned trappers in the area as far as Llansing, the nearby township, and he was told that his brother, Todd was found wounded awhile back by Sioux Indians. According to the old trapper Victor had questioned, Todd had survived his injuries but was now living with the Sioux.

"He took two arrows through his back," said the trapper. "When he collapsed, he hit his head on the rocks beside the river. He lost his memory."

"And you know this how?" Victor asked.

"An old Indian warrior told me."

Victor didn't know whether to believe the old trapper, because no matter where he searched, no signs of his twin brother were ever found. Sadly he had to return to Tea without Todd.

"Where's Todd?" Tea asked as her dark eyes filled up with tears.

"I'm sorry, Tea. He's dead," Victor said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"No, no. He can't be dead," Tea sobbed.

"There was some kind of accident. He took two arrows to his back... and he didn't make it."

Tea cried in his arms as Victor consoled her. "Daniela will never know her daddy," she said in a whimper.

Gently Victor kissed her tears away. "I love you... and I love Dani, too," he confessed. "And I am going to take care of you."

A couple months later, Victor and Tea had been married. The residents of Llanview had made it clear that it wasn't right for a widow to live in seclusion with an unmarried man. When Victor asked Tea to be his wife, she had been grateful. She knew he would care of her and her child and together, they could make a good life. Daniela loved Victor, and she grew up thinking that he was her daddy. Victor couldn't have been happier, until that day Tea announced that she was expecting...

Daniela had long outgrown the cradle he had made for her and now it would become the sleeping place of their new son or daughter. He was madly in love with Tea and he looked forward to the birth of their child. Tea had been sewing little garments for months and finally that happy day had arrived.

But it sadly it wasn't to be...

"I'm sorry, Mr. Lord," the midwife said as she stepped into the room. "I can't save your wife."

"What? What do you mean you can't save my wife?" Victor choked out. "Is Tea...?"

"She's bleeding heavily... and there's nothing I can do," replied Mrs. Mendalberry, the elderly midwife.

"The baby?" Victor asked with pain in his dark-blue orbs.

"It's a boy. Would you like to see him?"

The pain was so tight in his chest, he felt like he could not breathe. "I have to see Tea," he said with urgency as he rushed into the bedroom.

He knelt over her delicate form, drawing her into his arms. "Tea," he said as he pressed his face against her breast.

"Did you see him, Victor?" she asked him weakly. "Did you see our son?"

He shook his head as his tears wet his lashes. Tea was so pale; he knew she wasn't going to last. She was dying in his arms.

"You'll take care of him for me, won't you?" she begged. "You'll take care of him and Daniela?"

"Tea, I can't lose you."

"Victor, I need you to promise me..." she pleaded.

"I will protect them with my life," he swore. "But I refuse to let you go..."

"I love you," she whispered as she faded in and out of consciousness. She went slack in his arms as she took her last few breaths. His beautiful wife was dead.

"Tea... Tea," he sobbed. "I love you...I love you so much."

He held her until she went cold, then he lay her back against the pillows. She looked so peaceful, as if she was only sleeping. But he knew she wasn't sleeping; she'd never wake up.

With a huge lump in his throat, he searched the room for the baby. He found the tiny infant lying on a makeshift bed near the fireplace. The moment he lifted the child in his arms, his eyes came open.

He stared down into the eyes that were identical to his own. Tears washed down his cheeks because he had lost Tea and he had no idea how he was going to care for a hungry infant and toddler. Life was very unfair and he feared that God was making him suffer for that lie he had told about his brother.

"I am afraid I cannot keep you," he muttered as he bundled up the baby.

He wrapped the baby in swaddling and lay him in down in the cradle. He reached for the shovel as he prepared to bury his wife.

He lay her in a grave underneath the mighty oak behind the cabin. The earth was tender from an earlier rain as he shoveled dirt upon her grave. "Good bye, Tea," he spoke as he remembered his promises to her, to care for Dani and the baby. He would do what he had to do.

He returned to the cabin and was met by Mrs. Mendalberry. "What are you doing?" she asked when she saw him pick up the infant.

Victor tucked the baby in his coat to keep him warm. "I am taking him into town and I am giving him away," Victor stated.

"Why? You could get a cow. You could have milk for him."

"It isn't enough. A baby needs his mother," Victor said with a clenched jaw. "He wouldn't survive. I don't even know how I can care for Daniela."

"You can't give him up."

"I will. He will grow up never knowing I am his father."

As he stepped out of the cabin, he tried to turn off his feelings for the infant cuddled against his chest. He mounted his horse and headed down the hill toward the settlement. He had made a promise to Tea... and he intended to keep it - even if it meant saying good bye to his infant son.


	2. Hello and Good-bye

**~*~Chapter Two : Hello and Goodbye~*~**

"Don't die, John," she begged him. "Please don't die on me!"

Marty knelt over her husband's ashen body as he lay upon the bed, her hand tenderly cupping his cheek. She pressed her lips against his as she willed him to live. "You can't leave me and our baby," she spoke as she took his hand and pressed it lovingly against her rounded stomach. "We both need you so much."

His bright blue eyes opened, the only color in his pale face. He looked at her with so much love in his expression; he made her want to cry. "I love you and our baby so much, Marty, but I can't hang on much longer," he said sadly. "I have fought so hard, but I don't think I can live through the day."

"Don't say that, John. Please don't give up!" Marty implored him. A sob tore through her as John tenderly caressed her stomach and stared into her eyes.

"Take care of our baby for me, Marty," he whispered.

Laying her cheek against his, Marty quietly sobbed. She knew she had done everything to save him, but it just hadn't been enough. John was leaving her, but at least she still had their son...

_Marty had been on a wagon train headed to Oregon with her husband John McBain. They had so many dreams for their future with a baby on the way. Marty's Aunt Kiki had been against her marrying John, saying he didn't have enough wealth or power. She had forbid her niece to marry John McBain. Marty had gone against her aunt's wishes, marrying John in a quiet ceremony in Boston. Days later, she had sold the jewelry that she had inherited from her beloved mother. She used the resulting money to purchase a wagon and a few supplies. She and John had loaded up their possessions and joined a wagon train headed west. With happiness in their hearts, they left to pursue their dreams, but sadly it wasn't to be..._

Many days on the trail had left Marty feeling weak and tired. She was nearing the end of her pregnancy and oftentimes she did not feel very well. John worried about her constantly, because he knew the little one would be joining them soon. He prayed they'd make it to a settlement before Marty went into labor.

It was an ordinary day on the trail as Marty sit beside John on the wagon. She was trying to make the most of her situation. She had John and she had a precious baby on the way. When they reached their destination, the aches and pains of their travels would all be gone, and they could concentrate on their dreams.

"I can't wait till we build our little house in Oregon and we have our baby," John said as he took her small hand in his.

"I am anxious as well," she told him. "It seems we have been on this wagon train forever. I am getting tired of corn cakes and beans."

"Me too," John agreed. "But at least we go to bed with our dreams in our head and full stomachs."

"True," Marty said as she raised his hand to her lips and gently kissed his fingers. "We have so much... just because we have each other."

"I love you, Marty. You and our baby mean everything to me."

The words had barely left his lips when Indians attacked, killing those on the wagon train. There was no warning and no escape from the ambush. When the destruction ended, the dead lay everywhere. Marty and John were the only ones on the wagon train yet living. All the others had succumbed to their injuries. A few women and children had been captured. Marty realized that an arrow had pierced John through the chest. He had fallen from the wagon.

Marty jumped from the wagon with no concern for her own safety. She had to get to John who had been shot. She pulled his fallen body beneath the wagon as she lay half on top of him as though she were trying to protect him. She didn't dare utter a word as she barely breathed. As the Indians raided the wagons, Marty quietly waited. She knew John was alive because his flesh was warm, but she didn't know how much longer he could last. His injury was the worst she had ever seen. He had an arrow protruding from his chest about two inches above his heart. His blood soaked her dress as she wrapped her arms around him and prayed for they would survive.

*Please let me live to see my son,* she prayed. *I love him... and I love John. Please God, make the Indians leave.*

Marty's prayers were answered when the Indians took the provisions they wanted along with a few captives and left the death and destruction behind them. For several minutes, Marty waited, hoping and praying the Indians were really gone. After some time had passed, she rose up slightly, looking at her husband.

"John?" she whispered.

He groaned as she touched his cheek. "Ohhh God!" Marty gasped when she saw all the blood.

John needed urgent medical attention, and Marty didn't know what to do. Marty had always wanted to learn how to heal the sick, but being a young woman of only eighteen, she hadn't had a chance to realize her dreams. She had no clue how to help John with his arrow wound, and she feared that the Indians may have poisoned the arrow which had pierced him. "Ohhh John, what should I do?" Marty lamented. "I cannot lose you."

She was softly sobbing when she heard the galloping of a horse in the distance. She wasn't alone on the prairie, and she feared the worst. What if it was the Indians coming back to look for more victims?

She was just about to scramble further under the wagon when the galloping stopped close by. An arm reached out and grasped her wrist as she was pulled out from beneath the wagon. "Are you alright?" a voice asked.

She looked up into the face of one of the savages. A scream tore from her throat. He was dressed in a breech clout and nothing else. He had long hair and bronzed skin. He looked like all the other Indians she had seen, but yet there was something different about him. His eyes weren't ebony, but a sparkling hazel and he spoke in clear, concise English.

"Who- who are you?" she questioned.

"They call me White Buffalo," he told her. "I live with the Sioux Indians. The Cheyenne are my enemy, and it was they who attacked your wagons. Are you alright?"

"I- I'm fine," Marty stated. "But my friends aren't. Most were killed with tomahawks or arrows... and my husband, he's been shot."

White Buffalo stared at the fallen man lying half under the wagon. He had an arrow protruding from his chest. "He lives?"

"Yes, he's alive... but he's badly hurt. He needs a doctor."

"There are no doctors. If you want him to live, you'll have to allow me to tend to him."

"You - you know how to remove the arrow?"

"Yes. I took a couple of arrows to my back less than three years ago. I nearly died, but an old trapper saved me," he stated. "I know how to heal injuries... and I think I can save your husband."

"Please try to save him," Marty pleaded. "I can't lose him."

"I will do what I can," White Buffalo promised.

With Marty's help, White Buffalo did what he could to treat John. He started a fire and lay a long metal rod over the flames. After it was burning hot and fiery from the flames, he pushed the arrow through John's chest. The gaping hole that remained gushed blood as John groaned.

"Hold him steady," White Buffalo warned. "What I do next will cause him intense pain, but it must be done to cauterize the wound and avoid infection."

Marty restrained John's wrists as White Buffalo drove the burning metal rod through the wound. Screaming in agony, John tried to escape the painful impalement. He was delirious as already a fever had set in, racking his body. After cauterizing the wound, White Buffalo pressed a poultice to John's chest made of herbs and strong medicine.

Marty was sobbing as she knelt over her dying husband. "Is he going to make it?" she asked White Buffalo tearfully.

"All we can do is pray," he answered as he chanted some Sioux words over John for health and vitality.

Marty winced, pressing a hand to her greatly swollen stomach. The jump from the wagon train had caused her to experience intense cramping. With the arrow now out of John, her sudden concern was for her unborn child.

"The baby!" she said in gasp.

"Are you in labor?" White Buffalo asked as he looked at her in concern.

He had never delivered a child before, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. She looked like she could go into labor at any minute. He had to get her to the nearest settlement before the child arrived.

Marty shook her head. "No, I just have to rest," Marty told him. "I am not feeling so well."

White Buffalo nodded as he stood up to find several blankets and a bedroll. Under the stars, he made a bed for Marty to lie down. "Rest," he said as he lifted her into his strong arms and carried her over to the makeshift bed.

"Thank you," she said as she lay her head against his chest and nearly drifted off right then in the strength of his arms. He had been very kind to her and John, and she hadn't even thanked him. As he lay her down on the comfort of the bedroll, Marty reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Don't leave me," she whispered as she held onto his arm. She clung to him tightly, needing his strength and his comfort. When she woke up later, the man she loved might be dead. She needed another's touch to make it through the crisis.

"What's your name?" he asked as he lay down next to her and tugged her into his embrace.

"My name is Margaret, but everyone calls me Marty."

"Your man is very lucky to have you, Marty," he responded as he gazed into her eyes. "Now go to sleep. I'll keep you safe."

"Don't leave me," she said again as she fell asleep in his arms.

When she woke up in the morning, she saw him preparing a travois for John. "What are you doing?" she asked as she sat up on the bedroll.

"I am making a travois, so we can get your man to the nearest settlement. He needs medical attention... or he's not gonna make it. You need a doctor as well. That baby isn't going to wait much longer," he spoke as he gestured to her swollen stomach. "How did you sleep? Are you hungry?"

"Yes, I..." she replied as she stood to approach him. A sudden cramp in her lower belly made her pause.

"The baby again?" he asked.

"Yes. It hurts," she whimpered.

"Sit down. I will get you some food and something to drink."

Marty sat down next to the fire as he dished up a plate of beans and brought her a tin cup of water. "Thank you," she said as she took the plate and the cup of water. "How... how's John?"

"He's hanging on... but he has a fever... and I fear his wound is infected. As soon as you eat, we need to place him on the travois and get him to the settlement. He's not going to last much longer."

Marty glanced over at John who was moaning fitfully in pain as beads of sweat clung to his brow. He was suffering greatly from his wound and in need of medical care. She prayed they'd make it to the settlement before he succumbed to his wounds.

After they had breakfast, White Buffalo attached the travois to his horse. He lifted John onto it and secured him. "Is there anything you want from the wagon?" he asked Marty.

"The Indians took most everything..." Marty stated. All that was left was some clothing and a few personal possessions. White Buffalo went into the wagon and gathered what he could. He came back with a small satchel in which he placed in her hands.

Sadly, everything they had to make their home in Oregon had been taken. All that remained was a few items of clothing. With tears in her eyes, Marty stared down at what little she had left. What kind of life would she have now that she was penniless? She couldn't even pay for John's medical care once they reached the settlement.

She was feeling miserable as White Buffalo lifted her upon his horse. "Hold on tightly," he warned. He got on the horse in front of her and commanded the animal to trot. It was a long ride to the settlement. They wouldn't get there till nightfall. Not knowing what else to do, Marty wrapped her arms around White Buffalo's waist. She leaned into him as they rode. Although he was nearly naked and she hadn't even known him a full day, she felt completely safe with him.

Hours later, when they arrived a short distance from the settlement, she clung to him, not wanting to let him go. "You can't leave me here," she pleaded.

"I cannot stay. They'll kill me... or capture me," he stated. "I don't belong at the settlement."

"But you aren't like the other Indians."

"That's because I was once white, just as you are... But I live with the Sioux now. I like the life I have. I don't need the white man's ways."

Tears filled her eyes because she realized he was leaving. He had helped her. He had saved John. And she did not want to be separated from him.

Pressing herself against him, she gave him a tender kiss. "Thank you for helping me," she said. "I will never forget you."

"I will never forget you either," he stated. "If you didn't have a man, I might just keep you for myself..."

He took a deep breath, then he continued to speaking. "But you do have a man. You need to get him to the settlement before he dies. You have a little one to think about," he said.

He held her in crushed in his arms a few minutes more. He gave her a tender smile and one last gentle kiss. "Goodbye, Marty. Be well."

He disappeared into the dying sunshine. As Marty watched him leaving, she choked on a sob. He was her savior and she feared she would never see him again.

"Goodbye, White Buffalo," she whispered into the wind...

After they arrived in the settlement of Llanview, Marty approached Victoria Lord Buchanan's boarding house. She went inside the establishment, urgently asking for a doctor's care. Nigel, Victoria's servant told her that there were no doctors in the settlement, but offered her a room at Victoria's boarding house. Nigel and Victoria helped John into one of the rooms. Despite everyone's efforts to save him, John was deteriating rapidly. The morning after they had arrived in Llanview, he took his last breaths in Marty's arms.

"Poor little mite," Vicki said sadly as she helped Marty to one of the empty rooms so she could lie down.

"What will I do without John?" Marty whispered as Victoria tucked her into bed.

Vicki didn't have any answers. She too had lost her husband. She was raising four small children on her own with Nigel's help. She knew that very soon, Marty would be raising a baby on her own as well. Sadly though, Marty had no where to go and not a penny to her name. Everything had been taken when the Indians struck that fateful day. All she had left was the gold cross she wore around her neck. It had been a gift from her dear mother.

Marty lifted the cross over her head on it's delicate gold chain. "Take this cross and use it to bury my husband," Marty said to Victoria. "It's all I have left."

Tears filled Vicki's eyes as she heard Marty's words. "I will see that he gets a proper burial," she promised.

"Thank you..." Marty said.

No sooner had Victoria went to make arrangements for John's burial when Marty started to experience labor pains. "Ohhh dear God, the baby's coming!" Marty cried out.

Nigel rushed to get Vicki. When Vicki got to Marty's side, she found Marty in the throes of labor. "Go fetch the midwife, Mrs. Mendalberry at once. This baby is coming fast," Vicki told Nigel.

As Nigel rushed off to get the midwife, Victoria did everything she could to make Marty comfortable. "Have you ever delivered a baby before?" Marty asked as her pains came closer together.

"No I haven't, but I have had four of my own," Vicki said as she held Marty's hand.

"I wish John were here to see his baby," Marty said as she tried to be brave. The pain was so intense, she wasn't sure if she could take much more. It was a far greater agony than she had anticipated.

"He's with you in spirit," Victoria spoke. "You're going to do just fine... and I am going to be here to help you through it."

"I hope the midwife gets here fast. I think the baby's coming ... NOW!" Marty gasped.

No sooner had Marty made her announcement when Nigel returned. "Where is Mrs. Mendalberry?" Victoria asked her servant.

"I'm sorry, Miss Vicki, but she wasn't at her homestead. I don't know where she is," answered Nigel.

"I guess we'll just have to deliver this baby ourselves. Nigel, go fetch a basin of boiling water, a length of toweling, and a very sharp blade."

"Yes, Miss Vicki," Nigel spoke before leaving to carry out her orders.

Not even an hour later, Vicki heard Marty crying out in great pain. "The baby comes!" Marty gasped.

Vicki moved aside the blanket which covered Marty's lower body. She could see the infant's head. It was time for Marty to push. "Grab on tightly to the headboard, Marty. Bear down with all your strength," Vicki encouraged.

Marty screamed in terrible pain as she pushed. She labored to bring her little one into the world. As the infant's head emerged, Marty began to lose consciousness. Everything she had been through the past couple of days had taken it's toll. "Stay with me, Marty," Vicki insisted when she saw Marty was slipping away.

Marty passed out just as her child came into the world. Vicki looked down at the tiny infant lying in her hands. He was pale and cold. Sadly, the cord had been wrapped tightly around his neck. The baby boy hadn't even had the chance to draw in a single breath. Marty's son was dead.

Vicki cleaned the baby lovingly, wrapping him up in a length of toweling. She stood over Marty as she held the tiny bundle in her embrace. How could she tell his mama when she awoke that her baby was dead? Marty would be devastated because her son had been all she had left. How cruel and unfair it was that Marty had to lose her husband AND her son all in one day.

Vicki looked down at the tiny face as she stroked the infant's fine dark hair. "You were supposed to be your mama's promise for a new tomorrow. But sadly now all you will ever be is the one who breaks her heart," she whispered.


End file.
